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-Heres the xanga that ive promised for a while. its about time that i update for who ever still reads this thing about my life...or actualy mainly just to log where im at im my life.
same style, random bullets and pictures
ill start off where i left off...
ill just recap freshman year...
After the year ended i felt soooo drained i didnt feel like being social at all.
-freshamn year was awsome to say the least. Even though i didn't get to dorm, God had blessed me with an awsome roommate. we connect in so many ways and the best thing of all...we can stand each other. We ate together just about everyday at commons. I pretty much spent about average 20 hours a day 7 days a week with this guy the whole year. We went to the edge together which is the college ministry of newsong church. I love the edge and newsong church. it made up of about 70% of my friends last year. I was in the coolest small group C.O.T. (circle of trust) led by jin lim and andrew yippppoooo. Shoutouts to daniel mike chao charlie rick lee and mr. alan domingo.
-yea last year i became a sneaker head thanks to my new socal friends. these are my baby air force 1s
i painted this one for jin lim, my small group leader
-At the begining of freshman year i vow to not pursue any romantic interests. I didn't want to because i felt it would tie me down from meeting as many people as i can freshman year. Also i wanted to build up a strong guy community, strengthen my relationship with God, heal and get rid of a lot of emotional baggage. looking back, im really glad that i did that. I met so many new and different people and also found a tight group of guys i could trust. I was also able to heal a lot.
- I feel like i got to grow a lot spiritualy, emotionaly and maturity wise. Being surrounded by a good christian community helped me a lot. Its funny that the more i feel i grow, the more i realize that i have so much more to grow.
this is the class of 09 in the edge
-half way into the school year it felt like everything hit me at once. I had no time to think about how crazy my life was untill i just randomly broke down one day in ROTC class of all places. That was pretty much the low point of freshman year. I had to worry about rotc contracting, Getting up early to train, lots of papers due, finals, aaya(the edge dance ministry), passing the army PT (physical training) test, applying for love boat, and on top of all that, i drove back home to attend my friends funeral. He had been fighting leukemia for over a year. Though through that i realized that no matter how hard of a time im going through, theres always someone else who is going through worse.
-ROTC has been owning me lately. I have to get up at 6 mondays wednesdays and thursdays to work out at the arc. Tuesdays i have to get up at 5 to go to longbeach to work out and have military class. Its relieving to not have to worry about what im doing after college but at the same time its scary because im obligated to go into the military after college. But in the end i know it will be the best path because its for His will not mine.
heres a picture of my fellow army ROTC cadets at longbeach
-over this past summer I participated in the compatriate youth formosa tour to taiwan aka LOVE BOAT. Its was pretty freaking crazy. And what ever you've heard about it...yea its pretty much true. So pretty much how it went, (for anybody who doesnt know what its about) was, i applied, payed 500 bucks for room and board and bought a plane ticket to taiwan. Its a camp where hundreds of chinese people( you have to be at least 1/8th chinese to go) ages 17-26 from around the world come to taiwan.The pourpose of it is to learn more about our culture. but pretty much its a month long party. About 40 percent of people were from california, 30 percent from cannada, 20 percent from other parts of usa, and 10 percent from the rest of the world. So pretty much there were 5 camps around taiwan. Camp 1 and 2 were in taipei, the biggest city. On camp 2, we stayed in taipei for the first 18 days taking classes. I took chinese medicine, shao lin boxing and chinese. In the morning we did classes, the afternoons we usualy went on a field trip to a museum, and then it was freetime after that. Durring free time we went out into the city, explored, shopped, and at night we went clubbing and kareoking sometimes. After the 18th, we went on a round island tour of taiwan. Half way through the whole trip i got sick =(. It was not fun. On the tour we stayed at a different hotel or camp site every night. After the tour we came back to taipei and partied it up for the last 2 days. Then we said our good byes and left. Thats the basic gist of what happened, There were too many stories to tell so feel free to ask me but here are some pictures of the trip.
the camp at taipei where whe stayed
taipei 101 the tallest structure in the world
a few really cool ppl i met on love boat
my shao lin boxing class
some more really cool ppl i met on love boat
my auntie and my cousin
my grandma
-After love boat i came home and went up and down the california coast. I drove almost 3000 miles in a month. I went down to socal to visit three or four times, up to berkeley twice, chico, and other places i forgot. Summer was a good time to recover although spiritualy i feel i didn't grow too much.
-Its the new year now. Midterms are right around the corner already. So far its been pretty chill. Took me a while to get off the lazy summer mode. I'm living with alan again as my room mate, with walter chu and samir living with me in singles at vista del campo norte. Theyre all really chill and the place is brand new. The classes im taking right now are dead boring. Its hard to stay awake. I've been too distracted with super smash brothers melee.
-This year im Coreing with alan for david chois freshamn mesa small groups on tuesdays. All our guys are pretty chill. Its the biggest freakin group ever we have like 13 guys. I'm trying to live up to my freshman leader jin lim and core andrew yip last year. They did a really good job taking care of us last year and i wanna do the same for my guys. Its gonna be a good year.
-i just came back from ROTC FTX (field training exercise). It was pretty intense. We bussed down to camp pendelton in san diego friday morning and came back sunday afternoon. The whole weekend prtty much consisted of rucking(backpacking) with 70-80 lbs of equipment a total of about 10 miles/walking around another 12 miles for day and night land navigation(they give us a compass a map and 8 points to find within 5 hours through hilly terrain)/6 MREs(meal ready to eat)/about 4 hours of sleep in below freezing temperatures/obsticle courses/shooting range with M-16 rifles/repelling down a hundred foot(estimate) tower. All in all it would have been really fun...if it was any other weekend. Why did it have to be midterm and halloween weekend arrggg. Some people were pretty hardcore...the went the whole weekend without eating at all and some with out sleeping at all. And they were both girls. After we went to pizza mania near CSULB. It was pretty good...still doesnt compair to BJs pizza hah.
-for those who are curious or who have actually read up to this point...ill let you ppl know that yes, i am sorta "seeing" someone (for lack of better terms). she is a very special person, a "one in a million" types. but its still in the very premature stages so thats all ill let you guys know.=) hopefully things will work out
One morning i felt compelled to write a poem...i have these writing urges about once a year where my mind is so built up with thoughts and feelings that i have to transfer it to paper. This poem took me about 45 min to write.
My room
My room is the essence of my emotional state of being
It is a visual representation of what is inside me that you cant see at first glance
From the unpacked army rucks
To the pair of unfinnished pair of half painted vans at the foot of my bed
A constant pressure hangs over my head
Clean laundry from last tursday
Still waits in the hamper
To be returned to the comfort of the shelves in my closet
To be reunited with my other clothes that haven't felt the skin on my back for weeks
Only to be taken again to be used and abused till they are threadbaren with nothing left
But a few stains and fade from being over washed
Faced down lies my book of devotional classics
Up on the top shelf above my desk
Beyond my vision
Beyond my mind
Still open to the last study from who knows when
About having a spirit empowered life
I long for the soft cousiony love that my orange body pellow returns to me
As I embrace it imagining that it was more than just a pellow
No matter how sloppy the blue and white comforter looks tossed on my bed
It always brings swift relief
Brings Refuge from the day's troubles
At least for a few hours
Only to be dragged away from it
By my alarm clock to tend to my obligatory duties
Before I can even see my own hands through the dark cold air
But what lies underneath all the soft padding above
Is all the baggage for my past
Brought back to this alternative life by accident
Stuffed back into the furthest darkest deepest corners of my heart under my bed
Filling up empty space and covered up and concealed by my collection of air force 1s
I look accross the room to the other side
And see the white bare walls from under my room mates bed through his neat and organized tripple decker rack of dunks, pumas, and vans
Everythings so tidy on his side.
Mine?
Pair of gap jeans with authentic fade resting on my bed always ready for the next day of ware and tear
Shoes looking for their mates all around the floor
Untouched text books in a stack on the floor
Important documents, check book, and reciepts strewn accross my table
Clothes creeping out of my stuffed closet
A dirty bowl from last weeks chicken alfredo
And a brand new still shrink wrapped RIDE snowboard leaning up against the wall
Which has been waiting since the end of last season
Itching to touch the snow for the first time
Cell phone, keys and wallet
My three closest companions
Sitting in front of me on my desk
Always ready for our next trip
Never staying in the same place more than
The time it takes for me to figure out where we need to go next
The bare vdc walls on my side of the room
Are now decorated with things of the past
Past acomplishments, old friends, placks, t-shirts, paintings, and not to forget my three lovely ladies
All this to remind me when I dont think I have what it takes
Of where Ive been and what I'm capable of
But still, a gaping hole the size of the one in my heart of bare white wall
Lies smack in the center of everything.
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| due to finals no xanga for josh...but will update in a week
for now:
"But," you might say, "what about those who find such pleasure and delight when they give in to temptations?" To be sure, there is pleasure for them, but how long does it last? It is like smoke-it vanishes quickly. Soon even the memory of the joy is gone. They will never find rest, and they will live in bitterness and weariness and fear.
The very thing they think will bring them joy will bring them sorrow; that which they think will bring them pleasure will bring them only pain. Because of their blindness and numbness they may never see or feel how miserable they are. They may not even know that their soul is slowly dying.
-Thomas Kempis
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